I have often been criticized in my life, I have no sense, really if this is a universal experience or something unique to me. Maria was often criticized and often felt criticized, we share that experience. But it is not something I ask other people, or that other people volunteer.

Criticism is an integral part of interaction, creativity, the public expression of self. If you wish to put your work and ideas out there,  you will be criticized, it is not if but when. self rejection personalizes and magnifies criticism, if you  reject your self, there is nothing  between you and and the rejection of self.

Henri Nouwen, the great spiritual writer, wrote once that he came to believe that the greatest trap in life was not success, greed or power, but self-rejection. When I am criticized or accept the voices that call me worthless, false, or unloveable, then power and success seem like attractive responses and solutions.

My first response to criticism is to accept it. I believe it is a spiritual exercise to accept the idea that everything everyone says about me is true. It is the primary way in which I learn.

I find myself thinking, well, they must be right, I am nobody, I am worthless, I accept the worst parts of me. That was a reflex in me for many years, but over time, I learned to step back and distance myself from the idea, refine it and learn to live with it.

I no longer reject myself.

Nouwen says self-rejection is the great enemy of the spiritual life, because it contradicts and undercuts the sacred voice inside of all of us that seeks to love and be loved. The sacred voice leads us to our own God, whoever or whatever that is.  I deserve to be loved, I am not worthless, I am not false, I do not deserve to be abandoned or ignored or diminished.

I deserve to be  loved. I could not find love when I believed myself to be unworthy of it.

If I do not learn to love myself, of course, then how can I expect anyone else to love me?

Self-rejection is the obstacle to love. And self-confidence.

Every time I make the decision to love someone, I open myself to great  suffering, those we must live cause not only great joy but great pain. I believe that is why I couldn’t find love for so long.

The pain comes from leaving and letting go. The child leaves home, the husband or wife leaves often and for many reasons, including death.  If I want to avoid the suffering of leaving – many people do – then I could never experience the joy of loving. I think of the people who tell me they could never bear to get another dog because it hurts so much when they die.

To give up on pain is to give up on love.

Love is stronger than death or fear. I believe the risk of loving is always worth taking, it is the ultimate leap of faith.