Maria and I were talking this morning about safety – about what it means to be safe. Both of us grew up in homes and families that were not safe.
We both knew what was unsafe, but we are still trying to work out what safety really is and means in our lives.
I said that for me safety means being able to own what I do and the decisions I make. Maria agreed. She knows a lot about fear and strength.
This is timely and interesting this week because several people e-mailed Zinnia’s breeder to question my worthiness as a dog owner. One suggested I murdered many of dogs in order to gain readers and sympathy.
This was bewildering to our breeder Lenore, who is a rational and compassionate person.
She couldn’t quite imagine why people would do that.
Unfortunately, I can.
“Well, so much for the promise that you made to Zinnia’s breeder that you’d wait until at least December before overwhelming her with off-farm stimuli . .” Joanne messaged me this morning, she is not happy that I have introduced Zinnia to some friends and important people in my life.
She is not alone.
My showing Zinnia to my friends seems to be the controversy of this animal. Every new or old animal seems to generate at least one controversy, from their arrival to their death.
Millions of people now assume they can tell other people how to live.
This is the toll anyone pays for the open life. If you can’t take it, go write somewhere else. I can take it, but I can also call it out from time to time.
Joanne has decided that I am “overwhelming my poor little puppy,” and simply can’t wait before taking her around to meet some people.
I did have to chuckle at this, a friend calls Zinnia a “Love Whore,” and she shows no sign or symptom of ever tiring from anyone’s attention. She’s drinking it up. This poor little creature is chasing Bud all over the yard and starting to eat our home.
I’ve written many times that living an open life in America in 2019, the age of social media, means that everything one does is controversial to someone. There are an awful lot of people out there who have nothing much to do but get into other people’s stuff, there is no penalty for lying or distorting the truth.
I think that makes small people feel bigger.
The gift these people give me is that they have taught me to own my ideas and beliefs and speak up for them.
They cannot imagine what a gift that has been for me.
I do try to be truthful, it is my salvation in many ways.
Joanne is one of those people, the new Inquisitors of social media. I did ask her (politely) why she thinks this is her business, and why she feels she has the right to tell me how to raise my puppy? I’m waiting for a reply.
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My crime apparently was that I took Zinnia this week to meet my friends – Kelsie and Robin – at Jean’s diner.
I brought her so Georgianna and Nancy – two lovers of dogs and of Fate – could see her.
I also brought her into the local bank when the tellers – who give Bud and Fate biscuits every time they see them – saw I had her in the car and threatened to riot if they didn’t get a look at her.
This was construed as overwhelming her.
I am not bringing Zinnia into large group settings like the Mansion or Bishop Maginn High School for at least another week or so as Lenore wisely suggested and requested. But I am not quarantining her and keeping our friends from seeing her or holding her. And I certainly will bring her to meet anybody I want her to meet any time I choose.
Far from being overwhelmed, Zinnia is a shameless seductress, a love magnet. She loves everyone she has met, and her tail hasn’t stopped wagging in days. Rather than overwhelm her, it has drawn out her charismatic personality and love of humans.
Over the next month or two she will meet scores, even hundreds of people on her way to being Red’s successor as a therapy dog.
Why is this important?
It isn’t because of Joanne’s message, or the broken people who wrote our breeder to make up some lies. Lenore is too smart to bite.
This post is because I briefly hesitated to put up a photo of Zinnia getting hugged by two people at Jean’s Place the other day. Before I posted the photos, I realized on some level that I was afraid of stoking any more controversy about my dog.
I can handle it, but I don’t need it, especially this week. When a writer starts thinking like that, it is both disturbing and dangerous.
Can you imagine? I was afraid to post a photo of my puppy being hugged by friends? That is not the person I wish to be, that is not the person I am going to be.
Fear is like that, I think I’ve lived with it for so long in my life that I often don’t recognize it when it surfaces, as it sometimes does.
Fear is never too far from anyone’s consciousness, especially messed up children, and surely not mine.
I must own what I do and account for myself. I can’t say it’s necessary for everybody to do that, but it is essential to my healing and growth. And safety.
Once I recognized the fear, then I knew I had to own my decisions about Zinnia and write about them. My golden rule is to never give into fear, it must be faced one way or the other. This is where my strength comes from.
We live in a new reality, an Orwellian fish bowl, a world where millions of small and fractured people can reach us any day, any time, and for free. Speaking up for myself has become the cornerstone of identity.
And safety.
“Indeed,” wrote Thomas Merton, my guide to self-awareness and self esteem, ” the truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because the smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you, in proportion to your fear of being hurt. The one who does most to avoid suffering is, in the end, the one who suffers most: and his suffering comes to him from things so little and so trivial that one can say that it is no longer objective at all. It is his own existence, his own being, that is at once the subject and the source of his pain, and his very existence and consciousness is his greatest torture. ”
I try to understand this because there is no avoiding fear or suffering.
I honestly cannot imagine criticizing anyone I don’t – or do – know for the way in which they raise their dogs.
I am proud to say that I have never written a message like Joanne’s and would never think of doing it. If I ever do, I give the angels permission to smite me and sting my cheeks.
I asked Joanne to explain herself and tell me why she feels justified in sending me a message like that about a dog and human she has never seen and can’t possibly know.
I want to understand what makes people like that tick, they are a plague in our times, and they are helping to make our world sick.
But I won’t hold my breath, because I doubt Joanne has any idea why she would write me a message like that.
If I’m wrong, I’ll let you know.
Strength comes from saying out loud that I love my puppy and will give her the best possible care and best possible life. And I will not feel pressure to explain or apologize for any decisions I make about her, certainly not to strangers on the Internet.
We all feel fear at times, it is a human tool, installed in all of us long ago. In some way, we need it. There is no permanent cure for that. But life is what you make of it, and I will learn to live with fear, not surrender to it.
Well the good thing is you can check off the ‘ruin Zinnea’ box in the first week. You got that out of the way! Now you can go right to the fun stuff. Socialize Zinnea … train Zinnea … love Zinnea …. give Zinnea a head start on her career as a therapy dog … watch how Zinnea wins over Fate … all that sort of stuff. Thanks for sharing the journey.
I totally agree with you. Zinnia seems to soak up the love of others and gives it back. It is good socialization for her to see the world as a loving place. Tomorrow a friend invited me and a few others to meet her new puppy and I feel delighted.
It is good for the puppy and for us!
I’d hate to see what people would say about how my farmer uncle raised his Border Collies To teach them not to chase cars, he’d load a shotgun with light bird shot and drive slowly down the long driveway – when they gave chase, he’d fire the shotgun over their heads. A dog sometimes got hit with a pellet, which my uncle quickly attended to – but once or twice of that: no more car chasing. His dogs slept all their lives in 55-gallon drums turned on the side with straw for bedding . In summer, when he ran cattle through “dip” to fend off insects, he’d toss the dogs in – dogs would shake off and plunge into the icy-cold spring-fed creek. He was affectionate, patient, never raised his voice, understood each dog’s individuality, gave them good food and vet care. All his dogs adored him and had great lives: with him every day, doing what they were bred to do: herd cattle and be farm dogs. You can’t let these ” old biddies”, as we in the South call people who peck like chickens at every little thing, worry you. Zinnia is fine and will grow up to be a great dog.
Isn’t there a way to prune your readership ? Sorry, I don’t mean to butt in but I can’t see any value in having them in your inbox. They are abusive and intend harm. I can’t imagine you tolerating any of them anywhere near you in real time. They take up time and attention much better spent elsewhere. It isn’t even useful to get into an argument with any of them. There. See? Now I’M cranky. You and Maria and all the denizens of Bedlam Farm are so much better than all of that offensive foolishness. Sigh.
It’s part of life..Trolls and ghouls love the Internet, as do good people..
How dare those people judge you and Maria! It infuriates me! You are kind beautiful people and you take care of each and every animal you have or come in contact with. Zinnia is not hers any longer. She belongs to you Maria and this wonderful life you are giving her. To that breeder I say shut up!
You’re being intellectually dishonest because (1) you quoted me directly as talking about your “poor little puppy” when I never used those words, and (2) you said that I never responded to your request that I explain myself when you know perfectly well that I did. You must have been a bang-up journalist.
Joanne, once again I’ll ask you why you think this is your business? For all your flapping and huffing around, you seem unwilling to answer me. Your quotes are right up here, and people can judge our comparable pomposity and intellectual honesty for themselves. For the third time, why do you think is your business to tell me how to raise my puppy? I was a good reporter Joanne, mostly because I was not intimidated or bullied by people like you. Take a look at today’s video on my blog and see how “overwhelmed” Zinnia is. Please show us where you answered this question, I will be happy to apologize.
I answered your question fully and completely as a response to your comment on the post to which I made my original comment (the one about Blue’s painting). Since you control the means of publication, and since you chose not to post my response, obviously no one can read it and judge for themselves. Again, I never used the phrase “poor little puppy,” and putting quotation marks around it and attributing it to me is reprehensible journalism.
Take care, Joanne, I think we’ve each had our say and I need to move on, I’m sure you do also. Your name-calling is getting tiresome, your evasiveness creepy. Good luck to you. I wouldn’t want you to be overwhelmed by my reprehensibleness. What would you call a serial killer, I wonder? It feels like a bad Middle School recess…I wish you the best..
Imagine withholding the love of a puppy to those who are special to you! I’m looking forward to seeing the journey of Zinnia!
These critics need to get a life! Jeez, what a pain in the neck they must be.
Introducing a puppy to dog lovers is one of the best things about having a puppy in the first place (it’s also good for a human’s ego ?). My Airedale, Heidi, loves to meet everyone, partly because she loves people but also because she’s like any other smart dog. She knows that a wagging tail, a raised paw and resting your head on a human’s leg or lap usually results in treats appearing. When I arrive at my gas station each week, a certain attendant comes sprinting over to fill my tank and hug Heidi, whose head is hanging out the back window even if it’s -20 degrees. I get in trouble at the car dealership if I show up without her. In short, I take her everywhere that’s legal, and also to a few places that aren’t, and I’ve been doing that since she was ten weeks old. Carry on, Jon. Your readers love the Zinnia photos and Zinnia loves the attention. I never met a Lab that wasn’t an attention whore….
John, Iam not going to tell you to raise your beautiful new puppy. It sounds like she will make a wonderful therapy dog. I will ask you a question. I always thought that you shouldn’t expose a very young puppy to many people until they have had all their first shots. First, I have no idea how long that takes. I assume she has had some already. Is that practice now not necessary any more? I have no idea, since all our dogs have been rescues. I know you discussed that with her breeder. Follow what she says, and also your wonderful vet. As for stressing her too much, I’m sure you know when she is too stressed and overwhelmed, and what to do.
I’d like to see their evidence for all the dogs that you have killed. Then I would believe them. Only Orson was the dog that you you were forced to end his life prematurely. Are they still on that? Nothing like beating a dead horse or dog in this case.
I like your idea about exposing her to as many people and situations as possible by 16 weeks. You still have a lot of time for that. Raise that puppy with lots of experiences and a lot of love and you will be the stable dog you want. You’re off to a great start. I wish I could be one of lucky people who will get to meet her.
Ellen, it’s wise to be careful with a puppy up to 16 weeks. Realistically, it’s also unwise to isolate puppies from people, as that unravels a therapy dog. Dog’s social views are fully formed at 14 weeks and I don’t want her to fear people. She has her first round of shots, and the important thing is to keep her away from other dogs during that period. Yet she lives with two dogs and on a farm, and people come to see her and I won’t turn them away. My vet says this is fine, I am keeping her away from groups of people (large groups) for a few more weeks. I have always dealt with my puppies this way and have never had a problem. I have never killed a dog, of course, these people live in Mars, they don’t deal in facts or reality.
I dont see why you should have to explain yourself Jon to anybody what you do with your new puppy I think you are a very wise and thoughtful bloke that does what you feel ids right and if people are saying different, that is there opinion not yours it doesn’t make any difference you will do what you feel is right. so to people who are sitting in judgement as armchair generals, get a life and leave this man alone to get on with his
The people who emailed Zinnia’s breeder are bullies, as is Joanne. It is important to them that people make mistakes so they can be important by pointing them out. I was raised by someone like that, someone who protected the world from me more than me from the world. I have to remember that it isn’t a normal way to be.
I’m curious as to Joanne’s credentials as a “puppy expert”. I have no doubt Zinnia will be fine.
You offend me! You got a white dog, so you must be a racist! LOL. Just joking, but this sort of thing has gotten out of hand in America.
Enjoy Zinnia and don’t worry about the stupid comments some people make.
🙂 got a smile out of me, Ted, thanks..I wouldn’t be surprised…
All of our English Setters (naughty us all from breeders who bred hunters) were socialized early (when you have kids in your house almost impossible to not show them to friends). My favorite picture of my Mom is her cooking breakfast with a puppy hanging on to one side of her bathrobe and my friend’s two year old hanging on to the other side. All the dogs were friendly and wonderful pets and hunters.
Why in the world would you loose your time reading hurtful ignorant and stupid comments. Poor Joan needs to get a life of her own instead of trying to hurt and confuse people. Your awesome puppy seems to do just fine with your love and guidance, she is so beautiful let her meet as many people as you want as long as she is happy. I know you don’t take advice from any one but I will give you mine anyway {LOL} Keep on doing what you are doing and do not let anybody spoil your joy at raising this gorgeous puppy. Delete comments written in mean spirit.