Yesterday, we raised nearly $7,000, so Bishop Maginn High School can have its last prom in style, the students will get the ones they want and deserve. I went to the school and helped them paint Ukraine sunflowers all over the sidewalk.

Today, the blog’s readers helped three members of a Ukrainian family raise enough money to get to the United States and join their grandparents in safety. Doing good feels good; it brings joy and meaning to life.

Hate and anger and despair do just the opposite.

Tomorrow, I’m going to the Mansion to take another portrait in my Faces Of The Mansion series. I love every one of those portraits. By now, I’m supposed to be a grumpy older man, hanging on for dear life, falling apart, squawking about kids today.

Why aren’t I?

Earlier this week, I took a Leica camera lesson and am beginning to master my aperture and shutter speed. I also took a photo editing lesson online and am polishing up my photo-painting project and taking other photos I like.

My life is whole; my life is rich and has meaning; the Army Of Good is roaring back from the pandemic and supporting small acts of kindness almost every day.

I’m doing some work on my blog, adding color and graphic improvements and a bolder typeface.

I behaved like children in a toy shop for much of my life. I wanted this, and I wanted that, and I got what I wanted, and more than I bargained for, and nothing that mattered to me.

I had many options in my life, and I was restless and anxious. I asked myself, “what do I want. If I can only have one thing, what would it be? Make up your mind!” I couldn’t.

But the truth was that I had no idea what I wanted; I wanted many things, not one, and could never find the joy and inner peace that I am beginning to experience now. I was forever looking back and ahead, not now. Life is precious; life is short.

I don’t mean to waste a single day of it.

How can this be? I’m 74 years old, I have diabetes and heart disease, stiff hamstrings and flattening feet, a sore back and plaque on my teeth, a cabinet full of medicines, and a sleep apnea mask to wear every night.

How can anyone love an older man like this? How can he love himself?

But nothing has happened the way I thought it would, another great lesson in life.

I don’t mind being old, but I am also coming to love it. It is the best time of my life. No one can take that from me.

I am happier than ever, and my life is hopeful and meaningful. I love everything I do – life with Maria,  the Mansion, Bishop Maginn, my pictures, my blog, my farm, the dogs, and the donkeys. I wake up every morning eager to go out into the world and do what I want.

And I’ve never wanted less.

This isn’t supposed to happen at my age. I have aches; I do have complaints; I cherish days without pain when they come. And doctors have become my life partners, something that never happened before.

But I am taking care of myself, and they are taking care of me, and in strange ways, I am healthier than I have been in decades for all my issues.

Finally, I am learning about my life. I am beginning to see why I am here. I never knew that.

Finally, I know what I want. Ultimately, I want only what I have and nothing more. I have everything I need. I have everything I want. I am aware of the future, I know where I am, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy and accept life.

Finally, I am helping my body function in better ways, eat well, lose weight, and sleep for hours. It loves me back. I’m even getting some new clothes that I love wearing and have color, and I stopped hiding behind old farmers’ clothes.

I learned that I needed to teach myself discipline, inner and outer. I couldn’t want too many things; I couldn’t have everything I wanted; I saw that most of what I wanted was pointless garbage, personally and emotionally.

People suffer, people, die, people get sick. But I still have to live and move forward in gratitude and acceptance.

I needed to pay attention to my health but also to pay attention to my soul. Nobody knocked me on the head and told me what I wanted; I had to figure that out.

I had to upend my life to do it, but it also saved my life.

I meditate every day. I walk into silence every day. I find time for contemplation and music and thought every day. Doors began to open in my mind, light shined through the fog.

I am working harder than ever on my blog, which grows and depends beyond my expectations. My typos and I are writing better and more than ever.

Finally, I know what I want and am doing what I want. Finally, I am free, inside and outside. There is no need to lie or hide when you live an open and authentic life.

Finally, I have love in my life, to give and receive. Each of those things is a miracle to me; I expected to be long dead by now.

I have no illusions. My time is getting short, but the days have been mostly bright and shining once I found my mission in life.