In one of his essays, pastor and Spiritual Author Henri Nouwen writes that consolation is a beautiful and essential word. The word means “to be with the lonely one.” To offer consolation, he says, is one of the most critical and straightforward ways to care.
For me, there is so much truth and wisdom in this idea. Life is full of pain, sadness, disappointment, and loneliness.
I often wonder what I can do to soften or ease the suffering and fear I see all around me, in my life, among my friends, in the world beyond. This problem has gnawed on me and many others for a long time.
How can I help someone without giving myself away? As many of you know, I’ve failed more than I’ve succeeded.
How does one console the mother who has lost a child, the husband who has lost a wife, or the sister of a brother who died of a drug overdose? The truth is I don’t often know.
I’m not a priest or a shrink.
But consoling is often the correct answer for me, a wise idea.
From my work with the older adults at the Mansion and the refugee children and their families, I know that it means a lot to people in pain just to show up.
To “be.” I don’t have to take in their distress; I don’t have to give them money; I don’t have to provide them with my peace of mind or chunks of my will.
More than anything, the Mansion residents thank me for “just showing up.” They need to know that someone cares; someone knows they are alive and suffering.
I don’t have to take it in to help.
What Nouwen suggests, and what I have found in my own life as that quite often, all I need to do and all I can do, is not to try and take the pain away, but to be there and suggest that they are not alone, that someone is here, I understand.
That is consolation. It is a beautiful word. I can “just be.” In a world full of pain and suffering, that is enough.
I need it myself at times and try to give it to others.
Failed more than you’ve succeeded?
A renown author many times over. The Commanding Officer of the Army of Good.
A living angel if there ever was one.
Thanks for all you do.
Thanks Steve, there is always more to do, yes?
Jon, is it possible that we ask too many questions that we are not ready for the answers?
Sure, Gill, I think anything is possible..
When my husband died suddenly of a heart attack/stroke. My brother-in-law came and stayed with me until the mortuary came and took is body away. That was a great comfort to me.
When my husband died suddenly of a heart attack/stroke. My brother-in-law came and stayed with me until the mortuary came and took his body away. That was a great comfort to me.
Jon,
Over the past few months, with all of the positive changes you’ve made in your life (diet, exercise, being present with others, new approaches to your photography, etc.) it occurred to me that you have achieved what the Japanese call “Ikigai.” Many of us never reach it. Congratulations! Keep on doing what you’re doing. It is working and you are bringing joy to others. May you live to be 100!
What a love message to get Barbara, Ikigai, I’ll look it up. I’ll keep working and thank you.
L kigai means to harm.
However, ikigai, translates to reason to live. I bet that is the correct spelling. How lovely.
Humans are social animals. Isolation and the feeling that no one cares are killers to the soul and spirit. Just showing up means more than any material goods ever could.