Maria asked me this week if I might consider being the Bedlam Farm Rat Czar, a title I never imagined having but accepted with relish. She rushes in for every chore, but not this one.
This is my third round as a Rat Czar. I fought them off twice while living in New York City and am eager to engage them again. I killed three of them this week, and some new tools are arriving today.
We know who they are, where they are, and how they get into the basement and our farmhouse. One had the gall to run over my foot as I sat at the toilet. He has paid with his life. His partner, who came later to investigate, is also gone. Then I set a trap for a third and killed him as well.
I understand that my passion for rat-killing is alien to our overall feeling about nature – spiders, for instance – we believe in re-homing and accepting more than killing. Yet I feel no moral compulsion about killing rats. They can do what they wish elsewhere, but not here. Rats trigger the testosterone and aggression that makes me so uncomfortable around them. But there it is; it lives deep inside of me, but it is here.
I believe morality is a standard of proper behavior. I believe in morality and honesty.
In my mind, it is wrong to kill a spider or snake for no reason; it is true and correct to kill a rat who enters my space and needs to be killed quickly and convincingly before breeding in the old concrete walkways of our basement. With my warrior cap on, I have launched an entire campaign against them. I was online for an hour yesterday, gathering my tools. I am looking for a Rat Czar cap or jacket, but there isn’t one.
The secret of being a Rat Czar is similar to many other secret enterprises – you have to be patient, determined, and as clever as they are, and they are pretty smart. And you have to be ruthless. I know I can be brutal; I’ve been ruthless too often. That was an excellent tool for a journalist and critic, but not so much for Maria’s husband in the Peaceable Kingdom. Fortunately, she shares my feelings about rats. She has no objection to obliterating them, although in the most human way possible.
This is yet another new hat for me, but I’m game. I’ve had a lot of different hats in my life – author, producer, reporter, critic, editor, investigative reporter. Maria and I are often trading gender and anxiety roles.
Rats make her very nervous, but they make me very angry. They have invaded our house and our lives, and while I respect nature, I don’t respect them. I will fight them to the end, one by one, for as long as it takes. I’ve gone from zero to three kills in just two days. When I take on a task like this, I don’t equivocate, make excuses, or doubt what I am doing. Rat conflict is serious, and you have to mean it.
I know this sounds macho and bloodthirsty, and I suppose that is because two rat-rights organizations have already noticed organizations, and yes, rats have rights. However, they do not have the right to come into our kitchen and eat the soap I’ve been buying from our friend Cindy and run over my leg while I’m sitting on the toilet. The battle is on.
I guess there are limits to compassion and empathy. Wish me luck.
I have no compassion,empathy or any other moral right when it c9mes to rats or roaches. I repe t your new position as czar over the rats. I didn’t think that Zip would become the house rat czar. You will do a much faster and cleaner job. 😄
I understand completely how you feel Jon. A nice air rifle with scope works great for those smart rats who won’t go for traps. Happy hunting.
I share your sentiments when it comes to rats! Keep it up and you will soon be done! Rats are the one creature that I do not tolerate here…… all other creatures get trapped or nabbed and *relocated*…….but not rats.
Susan M
I understand why you can’t have them around but I can’t rejoice in your new role, in your taking pleasure from killing another creature that didn’t ask to be born a rat. I’m sure that rat didn’t run over your foot to offend you. It’s just my view. Mice ate my car and Grant traps them because we have to. Then he puts the corpses out for the birds.
I don’t need you to rejoice in any role of mine, Carolyn, nor did I ask you to. I live for my own needs and values, not yours. I leave you to rejoice for your own decisions and beliefs. I’m good.
As I said, it’s just my view. It’s that I see you as a gentle, kind person, a lover of Nature. We all have a violent streak. It’s not something I expected you to write about so gleefully with pictures of dead rats. But I see you have many supporters, so I’m obviously misguided. No need to be snarky Jon. 🙂
Thanks, I understand, I hope I wasn’t being snarky, just honest, as are you. Every day people write to take issue with something I say or feel. It does make me grumpy, but I am sorry if I offended you. I just think in America one has to work hard to protect their own identity. I’m probably too sensitive about it.
Good luck. Long ago when we were in college, my boyfriend (now husband) would come with me when I went home for the weekend to our family’s farm. My dad was having a rat problem around the grain bins and so Tom and his friend Sam came down with their pistols, the neighbor’s dog would help, and when they ran water down their tunnels, they would come out and that’s when Tom and Sam went to work, helped by Jerry Dog. In one of my mother’s diaries, she mentions several times that we were down for the weekend, or she’d write “the Rat Patrol is here”. The tv show by that name was on around that time. They won that rat war and I’m sure you’ll win yours, too, Jon.
That’s the same trap I use. They are great and effective.
Somewhere in a shelter sits a lady cat who has always dreamt of being a barn cat but due to age or infirmity is no longer a candidate for outdoor life. She would relish the chance to live in your home and help you with this problem. Unlike you she can stay awake all night and can move so silently those nasty rats would never see her coming. And then she could spend part of her days staring longingly at the handsome outdoor barn cat who she wants so badly to meet but never does.
Sarah your message touches me, but I’m afraid a decision to get another animal when three are living in a small farmhouse and two of them don’t like cats is complelx. it isn’t a matter of what the lady cat needs, it’s also a matter of what we need, and we are swamped with the work of caring for the animals we have, which we do happily and with love. We don’t want another cat and it looks like our rat adventure is over, it looks as if we got them out.I wish I could find a place for every needy cat or dog in America. But that would be a grave mistake for us. So I am sorry, as deserving as she is, she will not be coming to our basement and neither will any other cat.
I cannot remember you writing about rats before. Or did I just miss it last winter? I hope it is not a signal that a harsh winter is dawning. Brrr. Wonder if you too have had clouds of ladybugs during the last days of relative warmth? We had a swarm of them the other day. I read that they too are looking for winter shelter.
As for you killing the rats: I totally understand. Not sure I would have the guts to clean them up but that’s what we have husbands for Hehe. I salute you, Sir, Farm Rat Czar, Sir!
For all your ostensible attempt to be a decent, civilized human being, your true mean self is deep and surfaces perhaps less often than before your conversion. Not snarky. Mean.
Brad when have I claimed to be an “ostensibly” decent and civilized man like you? Snarky and mean are my middle names, alas. I have two questions for you? Why are you reading a meanie like me at all? And do you think it’s possible to be mean and civilized (and decent!) at the same time?
Wonder if Bud could help with this… he is a terrier. 🙂
I doubt it and I wouldn’t want to put him in that position…the rat was almost as big as he is..