Bedlam Farm Blog Journal by Jon Katz

27 April

Sunrise, Bedlam Farm. Harmony And Color

by Jon Katz

Maria was starting the wood stove this morning, and Bud, who loves Maria and warmth, was beside her. It was a beautiful image for me, these two strong and loving outsiders sitting by the fire on a chilly Spring Day. Harmony


A beautiful scene in the morning.

 

Lulu is down by the creek where the grass is starting to grow.

It is always grounding for me to see sheep grazing and the grass is starting to come up.

Zip (a/k/a) Zud loves to chew on stems from Maria’s garden. He has also discovered that many mice are coming in and out of the cracks in the cement.

 

 

27 April

Saturday Morning: A New Friend: Me

by Jon Katz

In meditation and my new breathing exercises, I am becoming a better friend to myself and my body as I get to know both, perhaps for the first time in my life. I’m making the time to do it, and I do it every day.

In my spiritual practice, I’m developing a friendship with myself so I can learn how to change and become more peaceful, gentler, and patient. That also helps my writing. Better late than never.

My decision a few years ago to move more spiritually has been good for me. I have more work to do, but I am better and happier with others and myself.

I’ve found a way to change, to face up to pains, memories, delusions, and other behaviors that aren’t good for me or for the people around me, and to my surprise, this work, along with my therapy, has been more successful than I imagined, even though it is far from over.

If I want to reconcile with people, family, or those who have hurt me, I have to take care of myself first and be a better friend to me.  I’m learning to live in harmony with the world.

That takes patience and some grinding and painful work. How can I know or listen to anyone else if I cannot listen to myself? If I can’t be a friend to myself—I haven’t liked myself very much for much of my life—then how can I listen to anyone else, love them, and be a good friend or husband?

In our world, there are always people waiting to hurt me and others, and I am learning how to live with them and accept them without hurting myself. Life is not about how you spell but how you feel. I rarely get any messages from the outside world about that, but many are inside of me.  It’s a long trip, with lots of turns and bumps.

Maria has given me a powerful motive to do this work – I love her very much and want her to love me in return. So far, so good, and I mean to keep it that way. It’s work that never really stops.

That means listening to me and changing when I need to. So I can listen to her and other people.  I’m going through a period of fundamental change, evaluating what I need and want. That means recognizing my suffering so I can live in harmony with myself, my relationships, and the rest of the world.

I’m excited about this work and I’ll keep sharing it, whether it’s success or failure. Thanks for listening to me.

26 April

Images From The Cambridge Food Pantry: Heart, Exhaustion, Hope And Endless Compassion

by Jon Katz

I don’t recall ever setting foot in the Food Pantry in all the years I lived here, but now, I’m in the building several times a week, thinking about it the rest of the time and taking pictures when I can.

It’s not my whole life, but it’s a good chunk of it now, along with the Mansion and Sue Silverstein’s wonderful art students, my farm, and my blog.

It’s a powerful place for me, a place of emotion, work that can never be finished or done, and the endless commitment of ordinary people who can’t stop caring about their neighbors and friends who suddenly can’t afford to go to the supermarket or the grocery store to feed their children.

It’s a place of feeling and heart; new work begins the second it is finished, even for a moment. The need grows every week, and the funds constantly shrink. The challenge is enormous.

How can I not love it?

The pantry, a complex, elaborate warren of rooms, shelves,  refrigerators, and freezers, which serves hundreds of people and children several days and nights a week, has gotten under my skin and into my head, as is evident.

The drama is evident to me: What kind of people are we, after all? We are good people, and there are many more good people; I know I am right every time I see those volunteers and the boxes strangers send from all over the country.

These people run to people in need, not away from them, just like the volunteers at the pantry. I like to think I’m the same, even though, in many ways, I am different.

That is what matters to me. So much of our country is looking the other way.

When Sarah Harrington called me a couple of months ago and asked if I would advocate for the pantry – she is new to the director’s job (there was no director for months) –  I said sure).

After all, I  have a small Army behind me; they are called the Army Of Good.

Sarah immediately impressed me as being direct, honest, and passionate about the place. She is a person of great heart, caring, and as bright as a whip. She pulled me in in minutes.

We work very well together. She is the first person working at the pantry with an e-mail address.

I agreed to work with her on one condition: I could take photographs, not of the needed visitors but of the people helping them.

I said my readers respond to people, not institutions. My pictures don’t lie; they can see what I am trying to do and decide if they want to come along. My photographs are how I communicate with them; they tell the story better than I can.

I have only met a handful of my blog readers and the people in what we call the Army of Good. We know each other well now, but the photos tell the story. They always succeed in doing good when asked, and they have not refused once in eight years.

They are all over the country, and I am not likely to meet any of them. I bless them every day.

I said I would never photograph or bring a camera inside when the Pantry users were there, I would never photograph the child volunteers without permission from their parents and the school, and I would never ask for or use their full names.

Sarah agreed and got me right away and put me to work. I volunteer when I can help and get to know the other volunteers and the people who make the place work. It sometimes seems to be hanging by a thread, never enough money, often few to people, but that is not so. It is a well-oiled machine that never fails.

The volunteers are impressive people. They are hard-working, humble, and full of heart. They seem to have inexhaustible energy and commitment.

I have been going into the pantry occasionally to get a feel for the place and take the pictures that tell the story.

I’ll do that from time to time. I’m posting two of my favorites here tonight and want to do that more often.

Again, I want to thank you, Army of Good, for your faithful and earnest commitment. You have made an enormous difference in the lives of many people caught in one of life’s traps—little money for rising costs and hungry children.

I will share some pictures from time to time, and I will stick with them, even if I end up alone with them. So far, that has not happened, and I will be careful about asking too much. Thanks again for following this chapter.

By the way, Sarah’s weekend need: Prego Pasta Sauce, Case of 6, $11,64.

26 April

The Zip (a/k/a) Zud Chronicles. A Nap With Me, A Chat With A Donkey

by Jon Katz

It was a beautiful, crisp, sunny Spring day. I was exhausted; it had been a challenging week for me. I went out to sit in the warm sun. Maria was away, hiking in the woods with a friend. Zip hopped onto my lab and climbed up on my chest. I started scratching his ears and fell asleep. So did he.

We sat like that for a long time – maybe a half hour – and then I woke up. Zip had jumped off and gone over to talk with Fanny, and they communicated through the pasture fence.

I pulled out my Iphone and got a picture; it was pretty touching.

One by one, Zip is charming every animal on the farm except Bud, who does not care for cats. Zip will get to him yet. When I woke up, Zip jumped back up onto my shoulder.

26 April

Flower Art: This morning I Brought Three White Roses Home, My Favorite Flowers So Far. They Symbolize Compassion And Purity To Me.. The Rest Was Bliss..

by Jon Katz

For those who don’t know, if you pray a novena to St. Therese of Lisieux, she will sometimes “send” you a rose if your intention is answered. People commonly will find roses in weird places during or after a novena.” – Catholic Lore.

I don’t worship St. Terese, but she touches me, especially through white roses.

St. Terese, who died at 22,  gave a white rose to people in need whom she met and helped; the white rose became a global symbol of compassion and love.

I am not a Christian, but I have come to love the white rose and feel its power, purity, and hope.  Spirituality is not only for the deeply religious.

For St. Therese, there was always hope and always love.

When photographing the flower, I almost always get a powerful feeling, as if it is trying to tell me something. It always comforts and inspires me. Christians believe this feeling is caused by St. Terese sending a message.

I don’t know what it means, but I do feel it. I spent a couple of hours with these new flowers today, and the more I look at them, the more beautiful they seem.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Consider closing your eyes, wishing for something good,  taking a couple of deep breaths, and looking back at the flower to see if there is a message for you or a response. It’s early, but this is my favorite flower of the year. Seeing it in intense light is a spiritual experience for me.

I love the light here.

The sun always seems to break through.

Roses have dignity and sometimes stuffiness. They are not new or flashy, but the white roses are all the more beautiful for me.

 

 

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