Search Results for: dog support

Some of you might recall the post I wrote the other day about my hesitating to take on the case of a dog whose loving and dedicated owner was seeking help with a dog she felt was aggressive, loud, alarmingly fearful, out-of-control, and full of love.

I was prepared to say no, aggressive dogs can be dangerous, and if I can’t see them, it can be challenging to help them.

I told her I wasn’t sure – I’ll call her Jane, not her real name (I’ll call the dog Bunny) – and she wrote back, sending a photo of the dog and asking me to reconsider helping her. I’m not doing the Dog Support for money, obviously, but as a way of my helping people and their dogs and getting paid something for it.

(Photo: Zinnia in front of my reading chair)

Several people messaged me, urging me to help the woman and her dog.

I’m a pretty good judge of aggression, even from a photo. I liked the dog; I knew this was a fearful dog, not an aggressive one. She picked fights with dogs but had drawn no blood and hurt no person. It seemed clear to me that she was just scared. She needed to learn how to be calm and safe.

If I walked away from this very appealing-looking dog and a very loving and kind owner, what good was I?

So far, the people asking me for help have mostly been younger and middle-aged women who love their dogs dearly enough to want to get some help healing and living with them. Two or three have been wealthy, the others working class and frugal but conscientious. They are the best dog owners.

People who don’t care about their dogs don’t seek help as a rule, not at any price, even as little as $65.

So I agreed to try.

We talked this afternoon. I liked Jane right away. We got directly to work.

She was friendly, intelligent, and committed to helping her dog. Bunny had picked fights with at least two other dogs, barked incessantly, freaked out when she left the house, and jumped on visitors and wouldn’t quiet down or leave them alone.

Bunny was a shelter dog who had been with Jane for nearly a year but had not settled down or quieted. She had been through several different homes and lived with some big and older dogs. She was several years old.

She sat briefly on command but had no other visible training. She had become very attached to Jane but had not had to work for her new life or learn how to live in her new home.

I liked Jane and connected with her right away. She was intelligent, easy to talk to, and happy to learn and listen.

We clicked right away, as often happens in my Dog Support sessions. So far, I’m drawing some lovely people. I’ve found that people who love dogs tend to be friendly, I know it’s a generalization, but it’s my experience.

We spent an hour on the phone, and she paid $65 – she insisted on paying even though I wasn’t positive yet that I could help.

I threw a bunch of ideas at her – calming training, walking with friends and their dogs, seeing if she could get Bunny into a crate using food and treats.

It sounded like Bunny had been through a lot, but she was not an aggressive dog; she was a frightened dog and had not yet been shown how to behave in her home, treat visitors with respect and learn to trust and be calm around other dogs.

I could tell she was a trainable dog – she slept peacefully next to Jane and knew which friends had treats and which didn’t.

She likes food and responds to it. We discussed new technological tools for curbing barking and hissing cans for jumping.

I said humane spray and buzz collars could also stop the barking. We talked about “push” dogs who rush in and out of houses before the humans, reinforcing their idea that they are the pack leaders.

As always, there is a human element to dog issues like this, and Jane and I talked openly about it.

Jane is a kind and gentle person, not comfortable forcing her will on a sweet dog with a brutal history. I told her that for this to work; she had to assume the leader’s role in the house positively and lovingly.

It wasn’t easy, but it was very doable if she was committed.

I said she had to look Bunny in the eye and project confidence, calm, and clarity: If you are going to live with me, we must respect one another. I will feed you, shelter you, exercise you and love you,u, and in return, I ask you to respect me, other dogs, this house, and the friends who visit me often.

This is not negotiable, and I mean it.

And she had to mean it, I said, or it wouldn’t work. I also asked her to take this seriously. Poorly trained dogs who fight often become dogs who bite, and people who have dogs who bite end up dealing with the courts and the police and paying hefty fines.

The dogs often end up dead.  Training saves dogs’ lives and protects the people who own them.

I told Jane she needed to boost her confidence and certainty; I could tell she wasn’t sure she could be strong enough to do that. She admitted that she projected confusion and uncertainty in her training. But she was committed to making this work.

Then, as we talked, her confidence and determination seemed to swell. She loved that dog very much, and the dog loved her.

She began to light up over the thought that she could turn this around. And she absolutely can, I’m sure of it. She must always be positive but also be firm. Bonny had to do what she was told to do.

She was halfway there. She just needed to clear her head when the new training began and mean it.

I am so glad I accepted this case, and I hope Jane was also. She seemed pleased, fired up, and full of hope. I asked her which things I suggested worked for her, and she named four or five. I said I wanted to stay in touch with her – at no extra charge – follow her progress, shote her up when she stumbled, and keep experimenting and innovating until we hit pay dirt.

So much of our relationship with dogs centers around attachment and psychological issues, both of which I have been studying and living for years. I want to share what I have learned.

Meeting someone like Jane, talking with her, and sensing the hope, excitement, and relief was worth everything. She didn’t know what to do. She has a bunch of ideas to try out. I firmly believe she can do it.

This is why I love doing this work. You don’t have an aggressive dog, Jane, I said. You have a frightened dog who has been kicked around in life and is looking for a safe place. 

I told you to be the safe place; you be the pack’s leader. That’s what she wants. Most of the time, it’s the human, not the dog.

I expect to hear from Jane in a week or so. I’ll pass the news along. If you have a dog problem and need help, contact Dog Support. I charge $65 an hour as of January 1 and can meet you on Zoom, Facetime, or the telephone.

I do three to five sessions a week. If you need help,  you can go here to check it out.

Only the strong get help.

This is a good thing for me to be doing.

I’m still writing checks with the wrong year on them; I haven’t entirely adjusted to the reality of 2023.

Our friend Ian, the shearer, is coming today to drop some new poems off for me to read. He wants me to make sure there is nothing offensive in them. Although I told him many good poets and writers are offensive. That’s often the point.

I know I am occasionally offensive. People say they love to think, but many don’t. But it’s my job to get them to feel.

There’s nothing wrong with being provocative. Today,  Dog Support Program kicks off for 2023.

I agreed to help the very living and caring woman with a dog who may or may not be aggressive. I wrote about her yesterday. I think I can help. I’ll try my best.

The photograph of her dog touched me. If my instincts are worth anything, this is not a dangerous dog, just a scared one. We can help fix that. I’m happy to re-launch the Dog Support program in the new year. The first clients were great, and we did a lot of good. The price for a one-half hour is now $65, as announced.

I’ll report back.

 

 

My dog support program has started again,  I got an application this morning, the first of the New Year (p.s. the price for a half hour is now $65, not $50.) This morning’s request always makes me think, can I help this person?

I love this program, I love helping people with dog issues, and I think I’m good at it. But I have no illusions about being all-knowing, dogs are complicated, and some are too complex for me. In the two months since the program was up, I haven’t yet encountered a situation I had to turn down. Sometimes alarm bells go off.

When that happens, I set up a consultation (no charge) to determine whether I can help. I won’t accept any payment if we decide I can’t.

The problem at the moment – kicking off the New Year –  is an aggressive dog, which is the most serious of dog issues to me because it is the most dangerous.

When dogs used to bite people, the wife or husband would bring some brownies over to the victim, and all would be forgiven.  James Thurber’s mother would bring over pastries and cake, and all was forgiven.

In our times, it is very different. If a dog harms or hurts another dog, or God forbid, another person, the response isn’t cookies. The police get involved, and so make animal officers, insurance companies, lawyers, and lots of money.

Lawyers are never slow to cash in on human troubles.

According to legal associations, dog bites cost dog owners between $30,000 to $50,000. If the injuries are serious (or a dog is killed), it can go much higher, and the dog owner can quickly end up in court. A level “4” dog bite, the most serious, can result in payments from $300,000 to $500,000. Home insurers pay out nearly a billion dollars a year for people with dogs that bite and often cancel policies as a result (making replacement insurance more expensive.)

It is also awful to have one’s dog bite a neighbor, harm another dog, or injure a child. The CDC says dog bites on children are epidemic, rising at more than  40 percent a year as more and more people bring home dogs they know nothing about.

This is no longer a rare occurrence as most people give little thought to the dog they adopt or what happened to it before they got it.

The person who contacted me this morning has a shelter dog that came recently.  All she told me was that the dog is aggressive; details to come.

Dog behaviorists say fear is the biggest reason for dog aggression, but calming and easing fear is easiest to treat when we know what happened to cause the fear.

That is usually impossible with a rescue or shelter dog. Well-run shelters and responsible rescue groups test the dog thoroughly before turning it over to people, but it can also be risky and uncertain. Dogs behave in different ways in different circumstances.

I told the woman I couldn’t agree to help without talking to her (no charge), so we’re going to Zoom one evening this week. I have a lot of questions for her. From what she told me, I sense that the dog is nervous in her new home but shows no signs of severe aggression, just some hostility to other dogs.

Maybe there will be some clues as to what happened to the dog.

I’ll know more when I talk on Zoom. I got a photo of the dog. It looks like a sweetie.

I told her that she will have to decide if her dog is in the right home and place. If we agree that I can help, we can try my favorite thing, a calming dog program. She might need to consult a vet or an experienced professional dog trainer to help get the dog to a better place. She hasn’t responded to me yet.

If I don’t feel confident, I won’t accept the work. I’ve worked with aggressive dogs before and worked with trainers to help them. It’s tough work and utterly unpredictabl.

I know it can be done, but it takes a great deal of patience and commitment. If I feel uneasy about it, I’ll say no. I remember Orson, my very beloved border collie, who attached a child outside my farmhouse and caused severe bleeding from the neck.

I had him euthanized the next day. People still call me a monster for doing that, but I’ve never regretted it for one second. I don’t want to have a dog that will harm other dogs or people. That’s just me. Once I know that can happen, I don’t get anything for granted.

But I have helped a number of “aggressive” dogs calm down and lead safe and happy lives.

That will never happen again in my life with dogs, nor will I help enable this with any other dog. So I’ll be thoughtful and careful about this case.

I’m eager to work to help dogs and those who own them. You can check out my Dog Support Program here. We haven’t adjusted the application form yet, but the cost of a half-hour consultation is now $65. I hope to hear from people who need me and people I can help.

I had one of the best and most meaningful Dog Support sessions yet, with a woman in the Midwest who was concerned that her dog – whom she loves dearly – was restless and uneasy going into her friends’ homes.

Her loving and energetic working dog had been rehomed several times but seemed to have found a permanent and happy home with her.  Her new owner couldn’t be happier.

The owner – we’ll call her Jean (not her real name) describes her dog as a “great dog in every way.”

Her friends always ask her to come over and bring the dog, but “when I take him to a friend’s house,” she said, ” he paces, whines, and is unsure what to do. I just want him to be calm.”

The dog, she says, is gentle and sweet and loves to meet people. It is also clear that he loves his new owner, who loves throwing balls, taking him for walks, and being together.

He loves to chase balls outside but is quiet and peaceful in the house.

One of the first things I’ve learned to do in my Dog Support work (I studied attachment theory with a researcher at the University of Kentucky) and I know to ask about the emotions of the dog owner and the dog.

As we talked on our Zoom chat – I liked her immediately; she is loving, bright, and honest – I became increasingly puzzled as to why she cared so much about this issue.

She described the dog as “great” and their life together as perfect.

It doesn’t get any better than great; I said; why is this so important to her?” I asked. Why does an otherwise perfect dog need to go into strangers’ houses all the time and love it?

She paused, thought about it, and said it wasn’t too important to her, really. She loves her life with the dog. It’s important to her friends, who want to see the dog when she comes over.

Bingo, I said, it’s more important to your friends than to you or your dog.

Rehomed dogs, like rescue dogs, can be tricky since we never really know their history or the things that might trigger anxiety and restlessness.

Older dogs – this dog was three – already have a clear and entrenched worldview and clearly defined habits, and changing them can be very difficult and time-consuming.

And confusing to the dog.

I said we have to learn to let go of some things at times and focus on what the dog can do, not what it can’t or doesn’t want to do.

And we have to make sure we know what the dog wants and needs, not just what we want and need.

As our talks when on, I felt this was the wrong path for this woman and this dog. I couldn’t quite figure out why this was so important.

Our conversation affirmed that feeling.

I said it was beautiful to have a great dog, but even great dogs can be messed up by being forced to do something that a/was isn’t all that important and could increase their stress and anxiety.

The difference between a great dog and a problem dog is often not all that great.

As we talked, she told me about a recent visit to her home from a young girl, a relative who had suffered from some emotional troubles.

Her dog, she said, zeroed in on the young girl right away, and came over to be with her, cuddle with her, and stay close to her.

She realized that the dog had picked up on the child’s distress right away and stayed close to her the whole team she was visiting.

The girl’s father said the girl was fine, but the dog sensed otherwise, and the dog’s owner saw that the girl had problems she might be hiding.

The father later acknowledged that the dog was right and was grateful to have been alerted.

This was an important story, I said.

Had she considered exploring therapy work with the dog? I’ve had four therapy dogs, including Zinnia, and I recognized this behavior as something therapy dogs like Zinnia can do.

They spot anxiety and sadness and go right to the people experiencing it. They can spot them out of a big crowd.

Therapy dogs are intuitive; they can’t be trained to sense pain and fear; they have to feel it.

We don’t know why and may never know why, but something in her dog’s past made him restless and comfortable in other people’s homes. The dog had moved on? Perhaps she should let him.

The dog had no trouble going into stores, banks, and offices. I couldn’t see the point of stressing this dog when there are so many things he does like to do and so many places he wants to go.

Her heart didn’t seem to be in it. It was totally into working with her dog to comfort sick people and children.

The woman said she would love to do that kind of work with her; it would be something she has always dreamed of doing with her dogs.

He is crazy about meeting new people, including children.

Would you like to do that more than you would like to bring the dog to your friend’s house and have him lie still? I asked.

She said there was no question about it.

We agreed to keep talking (at no extra charge) about how to evaluate and train her dog for therapy work. I suggested that she contact assisted care or other daycare facilities to see if she could bring her dog and walk her around to see how she does.

Her dog has been around all kinds of people, and she trusts him entirely around other people. I will tell her about some further tests to make sure.

I thought this conversation was one of the best Dog Support moments yet. She was anxious about doing something the dog didn’t want to do and didn’t even want him to do it.

She wants to go to the next level with her dog. And I can tell she has the strength, will, and big heart to get there. She said this new direction is a dream, and she is furious to pursue it with me.

She was pushing the house visits because she thought it was the right thing to do and because her friends were pushing her to bring the dog. She was very excited about this new idea of therapy work.

We begin training and evaluation work next week.

I’m happy to work with her and help her deepen her love for her dog and the meaning he will have alongside her.

Dog Support is very meaningful to me. and perhaps to others as well. If you need dog support, you can find it right here.