I came across some writing today that gave me a frame for my New Year’s wish for myself. I am happy to share it.
To be hopeful in bad times is not to be hopelessly romantic. If we see only the worst, we lose the capacity to act, to do something good and worthwhile. If we only argue, we speak only to ourselves. If we are only afraid, we will lose hope and will. If we are only angry, we are blind. If we lose hope, we are lost.
If we remember those times and places – and there are too many to count – where people behave generously, compassionately, magnificently, then this gives us the energy to act and live our lives. It keeps alive the possibility that world can move in a different direction.
We can act right now, and if we do act, in however small a way, we need not wait for a grand utopian future, or for a revolution, says social activist and philosopher Howard Zinn. We can commit our small acts of good. Our better angels will form a grand Army that will give rebirth to a compassionate world. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now, as we believe human beings should live, is in itself a marvelous victory.
On holidays, we stop and give thanks for the animals, who shape so much of our life and our work and our creativity. Maria goes out into the pasture with oat bran crackers, one of the things all of our animals love and they all gather in a cluster around her, and she is so happy to be giving them treats and expressing our gratitude to them.
I don’t fear a thing as all these animals rush towards her at the same time, they are all gentle and patient with her, even her strong-willed pony.
The sunrise hits the window in our bathroom first, and I look to my bottles every morning – the ones Maria places around the windows in winter – to prepare for the incoming day. This morning, the sun was especially bright and it brought me much needed color and night, this is gray and wintry and cold week. Tomorrow, we are off to Brooklyn for two days, I will chase the run around there.
Maria is finishing up her newest quilt, the Solstice Quilt. It is going up for sale this week, she is asking $400 for it. I see my pants, my jeans, play a prominent role in this quilt, they help border three sides and I cannot imagine a better fate for them. I was reluctant to give them up, but am proud to see them there, this quilt has a style and grace that is very beautiful to me, and my pants played a role. You can follow the progress of this quilt on her blog. The middle part is made up of vintage hankies.
I suggested she charge extra for my parents, but she told me to mind my own business.
When Karen Thompson offered to give Red to me, one reason – she loved him dearly – was that she saw his sweet and forgiving spirit and wanted him to have a life beyond herding sheep. Red had had a hard life in Ireland, I gather and Karen was selfless, she hated to part with him, but wanted what was best for him.
I have worked hard to honor her trust in me and to keep my commitment to give Red the life he deserves. But frankly, I did not grasp until this year just how wonderful a therapy dog he is and has become. We have done a number of different kinds of therapy work – working in dementia units and with veterans from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Those visits have been powerful, but I see how different and powerful the experience is when we can enter a community and Red can get to know people individually and see them often and they can get to know him.
The Mansion is part of the family I never really had, especially during the holidays. I feel so welcome and at ease there. Like Red, I am getting to know and understand people, and thus able to be of genuine help. Our work there has just begun.
On Facebook, someone posted a message saying that Red understand the spirit of Christmas and the compassion of Christ, but I think the truth is different. Dogs do not act out of motive, there are no good dogs or bad dogs, only dogs responding to their own kind of emotion and their powerful instinct.
Red does not, I believe, consciously believe he is doing good or deciding to go good. He is an intuitive and sensitive animal, he responds to attention and need, not to human ideas of morality or goodness. The more people need him, the more they focus on him, the more attention they pay him, through their eyes and voice, the more he attaches to them and responds. This is how dogs attach to most people, it is more intense in an assisted care facility.
People have great holes in their lives, especially the aged, their bodies may be struggling but their emotions are intense and visible, and that is what the good therapy dog senses. The training of these dogs transcends cuteness and gentleness, the challenge of the therapy dog trainer is to teach the dog that the people are the work, and they are often different kinds of people than most dogs are exposed to.
It is not about showing up with a dog, like all training with animals, it takes continuous training, vigilance and patience. I am always near Red when he does this work, signalling to him with my hands, voice, body and emotions. He is always tuned into to me. If he wasn’t, it wouldn’t work.
I would not share the details of Connie’s life, but I see she needs love and attention, the experience of being loved, the soft and tactile pleasure of touching a living thing. She has experienced loss and disappointment.
Red understands this is his work, and he has attached to Connie in a strong way. I don’t know or care what his motives are, I don’t wish to emotionalize the experience. Dogs do not have our language and values, they are an alien species, much as we love them.
People often tell me their dogs would be wonderful therapy dogs, and perhaps this is so, I can’t say. There are many wonderful therapy dogs. But I always think the same thing. It is not about the dog being nice or cuddly, it is about the dog’s ability to connection emotionally with human beings, to look them in the eye and respond to the need.The challenge for the human is to constantly reinforce this.
One reason I love border collies as therapy dogs is because they are bred to make eye contact with animals, it is natural to them. You just have to find a calm one, or one that can be taught to be calm. Connie is not a sheep to Red, but he does possess the rare ability to look a person in the eye and connect with their own eyes. His instincts and gifts are perfect for therapy work.
My border collie Rose was a wonderful dog, but she would have made an awful therapy dog. She loved work and me, she did not love people or care if they needed her or not. She paid no attention to other people. I would never have brought her near the Mansion. She hated being cuddled and did not respond to cute dog talk.
Red instinctively understands what people need, I have found, the sense of being loved in a personal way. That is what has been lost to so many people in institutions.
But this work is powerful and beautiful, and it is something I realize I need as well, it is as much a gift to me as it is to anyone else. For me the past years have been about opening myself up to love. Loving is better than not loving, it is something we all need.
